Recently I’ve been finding myself wondering what happened to the old me. I’m a rather nostalgic person I like to look back to the best time where I felt that life was good to me. I’m not saying that my life now isn’t great it’s actually going really well. Where I am in my life right now is partly what I was hoping for back then. So what do I keep looking back at? I keep looking back to the time when I was inspired and excited to create. My passion is graphic design. I use to design every single day. Anything I felt inspired to make. Gig posters, desktops, movie posters, quotes, etc. I was very driven and aspiring to be the best so that I can stay the best. However, I’ve been finding myself being complacent and not feeling the motivation I once had four years ago. My passion is lost and Im trying to find it. My boyfriend noticed and asked why don’t I design as much anymore. I told him that I pinpointed it to when my Mom died. I felt that it wasn’t important to me as it once was and that I would rather focus on the relationships in my life because life is short. But my relationships with everyone is great. I make time for my friends, family, and boyfriend. And I’m left with this sense of guilt neglecting my passion. Why can’t I make things anymore, why is this so hard. I go to work, I do my job, and I do it well. It may not be the most creative work but I like it and I like my work environment. The last time I felt really good about my work was when I back in school. I was one of the best and I knew that. I used that confidence as a drive and as a motivator to stay on top. But now that am out of school I don’t really care as much. I’m trying to search for the help that I need to get me going again. I need to find that inspiration that I want to make something for, that I want to brag about. I feel complacent and lazy and uninspired. It’s breaking down the spirit that I once had for this profession. I need to get it back or else I won’t become the person I want to be. I want to look at myself and say I don’t want to be anyone else but me. I think I’m partially there, I love who I am, I think I’m awesome honestly. But I also think I have the potential to be MORE AWESOME. I’m just so blah about it now and I can’t figure it out. Im hoping that this isn’t all talk and no action, because if it becomes that I’m going to kick myself. I have to do this my way and I have to do it now. Yesterday you said tomorrow. That shit still always gets to me. Nike is the best damn brand. But anyways I don’t know what to do next. What to make. Will I care for it? Will this help. I guess the best solution is just to try?
I turned my bruise into Ghastley!